Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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