saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
