OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
