Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
