The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
