SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
