i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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