she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
