Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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