i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
