I got her a Nickelback box set.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
