btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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