I puked a lego.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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