She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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