So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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