I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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