So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
