I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
