i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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