You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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