i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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