i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
