first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
