So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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