please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize