My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
