Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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