no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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