i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
