She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
