Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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