I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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