omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
