So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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