Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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