Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
