im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
