I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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