u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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