so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
