I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
