I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
