so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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