so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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