I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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