you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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