I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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