If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
