hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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