running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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