That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
