we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
