he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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