u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
