Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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