Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
