i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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