wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
