I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
