Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
