I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
