someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
