I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
