I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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