maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
