sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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