Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
