He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
