im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm really busy with my period
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