i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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