i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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