saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
