everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
