WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
